Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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