I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
