I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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