just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
