We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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