Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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