now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
