32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
