Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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