he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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