This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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