omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
