By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
