dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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