Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy