Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn