Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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  (313): I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me http://tfl.nu/x1tc
  Replies (8) Good night (1436) Bad night (1528)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

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  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7738) Bad night (1480)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People

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  (630): I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People http://tfl.nu/8x4z
  Replies (14) Good night (4539) Bad night (710)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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  (609): i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings (856): youre going to kill that woman one of these days http://tfl.nu/m946
  Replies (25) Good night (4251) Bad night (728)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

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  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (12383) Bad night (881)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

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  (812): Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate http://tfl.nu/9bko
  Replies (23) Good night (998) Bad night (4165)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style

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  (567): i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style http://tfl.nu/1r2g
  Replies (24) Good night (1712) Bad night (4866)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

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  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3796) Bad night (900)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.

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  (570): He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help. http://tfl.nu/6hrq
  Replies (10) Good night (1137) Bad night (3625)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!

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  (203): Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling! http://tfl.nu/pnvd
  Replies (0) Good night (1704) Bad night (567)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (3067) Bad night (1123)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.

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  (910): I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea. http://tfl.nu/24jk
  Replies (11) Good night (720) Bad night (1392)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.

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  (229): I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight. http://tfl.nu/cauv
  Replies (12) Good night (1195) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.

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  (970): there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night. http://tfl.nu/aogr
  Replies (9) Good night (1504) Bad night (587)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"

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  (719): What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family" http://tfl.nu/mzlk
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (220)

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