she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.