Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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