if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
