i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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