i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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