Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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