I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
