No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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