we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
