Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
