i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
