i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
