What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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