blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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