What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
