When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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