Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
