I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize