i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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