I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
