there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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