That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
