just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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