im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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