When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
