Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
