Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
