I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
