I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
