I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
