You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
