At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
