Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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