i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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