you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
