I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think my tv is drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
