Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
