kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
