I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
