Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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