is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Less talking, more tequila
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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