i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
