Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
