I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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