She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
