capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
