I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
