no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
