If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
