If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
